Tag / Family Life

by One Curious Mother

365 days: Life & Parenting in a Pandemic.

The clock strikes midnight on 2019 and 2020 comes bouncing through the door, full of promise and potential. It’s a new decade, the 20’s have arrived and we have so much hope. BUT HOLD YOUR BLOOMING HORSES LOVE, 2020 has other ideas – it goes on to be a year we’ll never forget.

For our family, late 2019 brought us a wonderful new baby so 2020 was supposed to be full of firsts and a life adjustment to becoming a family of four, whilst sharing our beautiful boys with our family & friends. It is the year we would celebrated 10 years as a couple, 2 years as fiancés and we would be all set to get married in the October (spoiler alert: we still did!). The year of friends’ weddings, honeymoons and holidays, new opportunities and adventure. Obviously, this did not happen. 2020 threw a tonne of shit at us and change was the only path that lay ahead of us. 

Change is a struggle for many, and in these extreme circumstances, it has become a struggle for most. It appears the human race loves a good habit and each of us has our own set of habits – it’s what makes each of us who we are. Now, I’m sure some people love change, but I am just not one of them. I really hate change. I felt things getting overwhelming very quickly. You may have guessed it but I’m a die-hard creature of habit: I eat three meals a day and snack twice, I never miss dessert and always start the day with a coffee (decaf at a push!). I love to walk and could spend hours window shopping, pacing aisles of supermarkets and homeware stores, mindlessly imagining what interiors I could change or what craft I could (attempt to) take up next. I love knowing where I am or where I’m heading and uncertainty certainly sets off a string of anxieties. 

Many a walk…

Lockdown for us started at a funny time. We had this beautiful little newborn and a bouncy boy who’d just turned 3. Things were so good. I love the newborn stage with its scheduled day time naps, feeding round the clock and a fair few sleepless nights – tiring but nevertheless, a routine. Sadly, it wasn’t to last. As self-isolation & lockdown began, this flipped, was scrapped and has quite frankly vanished. Despite this, I had to remember our family was one of the lucky ones. Most importantly, no loved ones were lost. No jobs were lost, just routines disrupted and freedoms reduced. The toll of having your spouse at work at the office all day whilst you handled the children sounded like a small slice of normality for us and yet, not quite. I guess it really hit home when I read the backlash from a comment made by Justin Timberlake about parenting for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week being ‘unnatural’. My first thoughts were ‘oh shit, did he just say that out loud!?’ but as I started to mull it over, man alive he is not wrong. Even if we are stay-at-home parents, there are playgroups and coffee mornings or school where our kids (and we) get interaction with other human beings that may be an extension of our support network or all of our network. It’s vital communication with others that makes everyday life, well, a life. 

Our eldest, Rory had just turned 3 (he’ll be 4 on Friday!) and he was just coming into his own. He’s passionate and emotional, he’s euphoric one moment and downright inconsolable the next. He feels everything. He would tell you he loves you every day whilst poking you in the eye and stamping crisps into your carpet, all whilst having absolutely no problem doing it. His favourite phrases were ‘do you need me’ and ‘that’s not a good deal’ – both adorable and heart-breaking in many ways with his big brown eyes and wicked smile to match. 

We knew isolation would be challenging but unfortunately, it was evident quite early on that Rory requires a lot more from most days than I alone could give him. Now, usually Rory would attend nursery a few times week and head to my mother-in-law’s for a few days too. This would usually leave me one whole day of double parenting, which on some occasions had been more than plenty. Rory loves his friends, his nursery nurses and of course his Granny and it was a given that not seeing these core people in his life was going to be tricky for him. He’s incredibly bright and understands concepts way beyond that of a pre-schooler but trying to explain invisible coughs and colds keeping us inside was heart breaking.  

More family memories!

He’s always on the go and as a second-time-section-mama, I was not as fit as I once was. As Little Henry relied on me for enormous proportions of the day, times where I was breastfeeding proved to be challenging – turns out I physically can’t be chasing a toddler round the garden whilst I’m attached to a baby, a skill I never thought I’d be disappointed not to have. On the plus side, I certainly had a lot less time to worry about my weight or what I’m stuffing in my gob every five minutes, despite a lot of the media ramming ‘lockdown body goals’ down our throats – a topic for another day!

We often find ourselves capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for but mental and physical exhaustion can completely destroy this and sometimes it can be impossible to see the next step forwards. For me, there has been just two ways to handle this lockdown isolation: embrace it or switch on survival mode. Some days I used one of these, but most I needed both and there has definitely been days where it’s been battle after battle with little to no enjoyment to be found anywhere. Picture the kind of day where you’re stepping on Lego, being barfed on and spending 4 hours consoling an unknown tantrum whilst drowning in washing, dishes and sand from that ‘bloody sandpit’. The pandemic grew and our fears with it but we stayed strong and focused on what we could have now rather than what we once wanted. Our little Henry was robbed (if that’s the right word!) of his chance to make little friends, interact with others and learnt to socialise. This was the toughest to digest as we passed his first birthday and entered 2021 still unsure of when any of the ‘normal’ elements of life would return. All this began as the impossible task but as the days, weeks and eventually months rolled on, my ‘modes’ evolved. The sun started to shine and things appeared a lot less dark. 

We learnt our alphabet, we watched our entire Disney+ bucket list in a month, we bought a 10ft swimming pool, we walked hundreds of Bear Hunts and we bought all the Lego Duplo we could get our hands on. Rory eventually returned to nursery in July and he slotted back in like he’d never been away. We instantly looked back over those months and realised we’d learnt to enjoy the days for what they were: borrowed time. We then spent hours longing for some of our old life back and more hours praying the work/life balance we once had will never show its ugly face again. As a nation, we know now what life balance we were all missing.

Busing ourselves with Lego, Alphabet & Disney.

As 2020 took most things from us, we were adamant to regain control of one thing, our wedding. Planned for 28 months, we were crushed on multiple occasions as the finish line & goal posts were continuously moved and shrunk. Many tears were shed, many plans were changed but one thing remained: we were absolutely going to do all we could to be married on 10th October, in any capacity as long as it was allowed. We downsized our guests, changed our venue and amended most of our supplier packages to fit the new rules and with amazing family, a wing & a prayer, we pulled everything together for our long-awaited day.

Looking back, we loved every minute. We were just 14 which was quite a downsize from 120 but it didn’t matter. We wanted to be husband & wife and to have our nearest and dearest around meant the world to us. Yes, there were some that couldn’t be there but thanks to the wonders of modern technology, Zoom helped them tune in to see it all. We danced & sang, raised our glasses and for a brief white lace & tartan clad moment, forgot everything else – it was absolute bliss. 

Newlyweds!

As you can imagine, our honeymoon (well ‘familymoon’ at that stage) options were slim and international travel of any kind was off the cards so we packed up and left for somewhere near the sea and full of things to do: Brighton! A place we’d never been, now a place close to our hearts. It’s amazing how different you feel once you’ve seen the sea, had a classic bag of fish & chips and a walk for miles & miles putting the world to right. It’s a bag full of core memories I’ll treasure forever and a place we’ll definitely be visiting in 2021.

Before we knew it, Christmas was upon us and things began to look shaky. Vaccines filled the news briefings and panic was instilled once more. Were we going to be locked down for Christmas? Were we going to risk getting sick shopping for presents? Were we even going to be allowed to see our family? As I said – panic instilled. We had a normal-ish Christmas but the first one without my grandparents since I can remember. They stayed home shielded and safe but nonetheless I am sad that we’d be apart for what should be a time for celebration. We used FaceTime & Zoom and connected as much as we could, making virtual Christmas, the new Christmas. A past time I now pray won’t be necessary this year. 

2021 arrived with a bump as we were thrust into Lockdown 3.0 but for us by now, we’d formulated a way to cope with the normal we craved being ever so slightly out of reach. A daily walk still is our go-to. It’s breathing in the fresh air being we regularly take for granted, freedom of movement to run (or sledge) across a field and we now know we have to keep on top of this to survive this without crashing. Nights got shorter and as the snow phase passed over, we entered what is now beginning to look and feel a lot like Spring: The season of growth & hope. 

We’ve been under this Covid spell for 365 days and I can only pray as the governments path to re-opening begins to flower, we are able to regain control over our lives in the ways we’ve always wanted. There’s no doubt we’ve had regrets; we didn’t travel enough or go on the adventures we’d planned, didn’t see people we’d wished we’d seen, missed out on events… the list goes on as our lives have been on hold. It’s a process of grief, but just like all grief, there comes a time to move on and move forwards. This becomes a fresh start which you can use for banishing toxic work habits or wasting time doing activities you don’t want to, planning getaways or making bucket lists – there’s no reason to hold back. As a family, we made a jar of wishes a year ago and can’t wait to open it when life picks back up (y’all know there’s a Disney holiday or two in there!). Why not make a list and see where it takes you?

There has been so much to learn from the last 365 days, it’s a time that will never be forgotten and sure to be a story we tell for generations. We’ve faced things we never imagined and witnessed things we never thought we’d see. Things are still feeling rough but whilst looking back, however you have handled isolation/lockdown and/or parenting during these times, please try your best to remember this is not your new normal, these were and still are not normal times. Your reaction to it all and your lifestyle now doesn’t reflect the life you will lead be going forwards. This is temporary and it was more than ok to go into survival mode – it might have been the only way to get by. You’ve done all you can and you should be proud of yourself.

Just hold on tight. We’re nearly there… 

One Curious Mother .xo

by One Curious Mother

“Please Provide Your Paycheck”

 

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I’ve dug this one out of the archive today – just a little something I wrote back in February. Turns out I write a lot that doesn’t make the cut; it usually becomes irrelevant pretty quickly and it very swiftly gets forgotten about. However, this blog may help someone somewhere feel a little less crappy for chronically worrying about money, jobs, more babies and a little bit of anything else…

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‘All you want is 2.4 kids and a white picket fence like a Disney movie and unfortunately, it’s just not real life‘ – as dear husband-to-be uttered those words for the millionth time, a part of me closed the door, slumped to the floor and wept. It wasn’t what he’s said but the realisation that we were having to choose between expanding our family and surviving each month… OH, AND THAT NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN!

With procreation being a part of most lives (we sure as hell wouldn’t be here without it) it started to seem like a long time ago that women were expected to ‘retire’ once they’ve had a baby but sadly, looks like attitudes still aren’t up to speed and many ‘powers-that-be’ are not helping the cause. Many women have to stay at home rather than return to work due to crippling nursery fees and the question that always needs to be asked is: why are we (the royal ‘we’) not doing enough to help working mothers and families? Is it down to the individual mother, the family, the employer or the whole god-damn system? We over here strongly believe the latter.

Since I was young, I’ve always wanted two children; whenever anyone asks I always say ‘I have two eyes, two hands and two backseats’ – let’s face it, anything more and you’re looking at growing more limbs or changing your car as a minimum! Now nowhere, ever did anyone tell me we’d be sat around with a calculator, counting each and every penny concluding that any more expenditure would leave us nothing short of bankrupt. For us fourteen hundred squiddies a month for full-time nursery has been the true cost of a safe and loving environment; this has (just about) allowed us to bring home the bacon, but the saddest fact is, even now in 2019, choosing between a career and a family has never been so tough.

There has been a debate for some time about the environmental strain of having more mouths to feed, bathe and house but debating about the financial strain seems to be rifer than ever. In an article by The Guardian in 2014, three families from Sweden, the UK, and USA talked about their childcare costs and the cold hard truth of each. It quotes that in Sweden ‘you pay 3% of your gross salary but there’s a cap so you never have to pay more than 1,260 Swedish krona [currently £103] a month per child – and if you have more children, you’ll pay a maximum of 420 krona [£33] for the third child and nothing for the fourth'(1). This is 27% of the UK national average in 2018 where the average cost of a part-time nursery place for a child under two has soared by 7% in the past year to £122 a week, or more than £6,300 a year, according to the report by the Family and Childcare Trust (2). Although that percentage is disgustingly high, the UK is still more fortunate than the USA when it comes to maternity & paternity leave, where mothers are not entitled to paid maternity leave at all and might only get up to 12 weeks unpaid if they’re lucky. Of course, we are more than fortunate in most respects – we have maternity leave and I would receive statutory maternity leave as a minimum but the truth of the matter is, statutory still wouldn’t even cover our current outgoings… We have cars on lease, nursery bills, rent, utilities, etc. and like most, we love a yearly family holiday – nothing overtly fancy or excessive.

So, what happens for the Fitzpriddings’ now? Short term it means a painstakingly uncertain wait, where caution is our new activity and ‘we’re trying to save’ is our new catchphrase. We never feel hard done by, our beautiful boy has shown us love like we’ve never known but the subject of more children opens the door to a whole world of what-ifs and buts you never even realised existed. In short, there is no answer to these questions that allows us to remain in pocket and have a larger family within a reasonable amount of time. I keep telling myself that there is plenty of time for this to come around but I know, 2 years into sharing our lives with this little dinosaur firecracker, it will whizz by. (WOAH, little did we know just 2 months later we’d discover we were expecting!)

Now, MAMAS ASSEMBLE for our closing thoughts – if you are ever in any doubt about your rights as a woman, a mother or as an employee, have no fear, there are women out there fighting for all. Flexible working for is a battle that is being fought every day by one of my favourite wonder-women,  @motherpukkaAnna Whitehouse and pregnancy rights is being fought by another, @pregnantthenscrewedJoeli Brearley. Campaigning and raising awareness for women rights and the law on maternity policies alongside the benefits of flexible working for all, these super mamas are paving the way for modern-day working families. (This is no ad or partnership, just what I would consider sharing invaluable advice between friends!)

As always, I hope this blog helped you feel a little less alone, whatever step in life your taking, whether it’s your second child or your fifth – after all, if you’re anything like me, family is always the most important thing.

Love and all, OCM xo.

 

Sources:
(1) https://www.theguardian.com/money/2014/may/31/costs-childcare-britain-sweden-compare https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/childcare-costs-increase-inflation-rate-treading-water-parents-household-incomes-a8230431.html 
(2) https://www.familyandchildcaretrust.org/childcare-survey-2018
by One Curious Mother

We’re Still Here…

Well hello there!

I’ve been MIA for a while now and feel for the very few of you who read this, I should give you a little update on where we are at.

My health has been a little shady of late; Feeling over worked with a constantly crowded brain, I have recently found myself exhausted and letting rather a lot slide in all aspects of life. Turns out trying to run numerous social pages, a blog, raise a child, have a healthy, loving relationship, look for a house, handle the nagging desire for another baby, plan a wedding and have a ‘normal’ life is too much for one person to do at once – who knew, right!?

I’ve been unbelievably overwhelmed since joining my new job last June. As my first career-changing role since graduating a few years back and becoming a mother, I ploughed head first into what would become an all-consuming job. As workloads grew, I stopped doing the things I loved at home. Never, ever wanting this blog to slip, One Curious Mother has taken a very reluctant and unwanted back seat lately. With evenings spent barely awake and creative juices in serious short supply, I was brought back to examining why it was that I created One Curious Mother in the first place: to share the hidden wonders (and ailments) of first time parenthood, to document my journey through it and to, hopefully, help others too. I can honestly say, I feel I am meeting absolutely none of these objectives anymore. 

Needless to say, it was a welcomed moment when I realised that I didn’t need to wait for the ‘perfect moment’ and didn’t need to create just ‘pretty’ or, let’s face it, fake content. Thanks to this, I am now able to realign my focus to be on honest stories, asking & answering those curious questions we all have and helping build a community of ladies (or gentlemen) and babies who are looking for someone to say ‘hey, that happened to me’ or ‘WOAH I’m not alone in this anymore’. 

So what now? A solid promise for more communication and definitely more questions, to get back on track and look forwards, vowing to keep one foot firmly on the ground whilst doing so.

I hope you’ll stick around and join us on this journey and if there’s one thing I want you to remember is that you never have to feel alone!

Love to all,

OCM 💜

by One Curious Mother

Happy 70th Birthday: Why I’m Infinitely Grateful

Even though I’m a little late to the party, I feel my thank you to the NHS had to be a piece carefully considered. This took longer than expected and this isn’t a particularly long one but here it goes…

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As we all know, this year The National Health Service has reached its 70th birthday; an incredible milestone for a service that can sometimes be the hand to hold in every step through the circle of life. Today, this piece is an open letter on why I’m grateful for the NHS.

Happy 70th Birthday to the NHS: Thank You Flowers

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To The National Health Service,

What an incredible job you’ve done. A job you do with such courage and compassion, every single day. I’m beaming with pride and thankfulness whilst writing this as it is not without you that I sit here today, cuddling our precious son. 

After years of studying, racking up debt and working around the clock, your journey into a job becomes a role of unimaginable pressure, expectation and at any moment of every day, you could be faced with any possible and sometimes impossible problem. This is aside from the negative press, the government funding issues and the struggle to recruit; the overworked GP’s, overcrowded surgeries and in many cases, lack of available resources, you are without a doubt pushed to your limits every day. Despite this, in our deeply personal experiences, there has always been above and beyond treatment and care for each and every one of us.

As a family, we’ve faced some terrifying times; from my Great Auntie Lesley’s brain tumour and stroke, to my Papy’s viral heart failure, my Dad’s appendicitis to much more recently, my emergency c-section for the birth of my son, Rory. It wasn’t long after this that my parents wrote a letter to you expressing their utmost gratitude and thanks for Rory’s safe delivery and both my antenatal and postnatal care. A letter they were so eager and so proud to write you.

My most recent care through The Trust has been for an incredible postnatal care programme: ‘Every Birth Matters’. After struggling to come to terms with and face Rory’s birth, I was left unsure how to feel. Traumatised by the events and lacking a true understanding of what had happened and if it was at all, preventable in the future. With a fantastic midwife to walk me through my pregnancy and journey through labour and birth, she fully explained every step going into tremendous factual and emotional detail. This has been the most intense but worthwhile hour of therapy I’ve ever received. It has not only helped me accept what has happened but I’ve learned that there was nothing I could have done to change the outcome of Rory’s birth: He hadn’t progressed into my pelvis enough and after 30+ hours, they weren’t willing to give him any more time to try to. It was to save us both but what has saved me the most is knowing I didn’t fail, that my body did its job and even with the harrowing recovery – there was nothing more I could have possibly done: the outcome would have lead us down the same path. Even with this breakthrough, the best news was learning that I wouldn’t have to go through it again if we chose to have more children. That I could successfully have a VBAC if I wanted or a scheduled c-section should I wish. For someone who struggles with personal control, knowing that next time the choice could be mine, feels like a weight has been lifted. The Trust has been invaluable to my recovery and one day, I just hope I can express my gratitude enough.

Life is fragile and every day it’s put into your hands: a birth, a death, an illness, a broken bone. The list is endless. Nothing can prepare us for what life brings and no one will ever know what’s coming around the corner but it is from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for all you have done and all that you continue to do.

In our deepest and most desperate times of need, even in the most stretched state, you provided the absolute best treatment, care, and support for us to heal and move forwards without fail. You are a service that has become priceless for those who need it most.

You are priceless, you are treasured and most of all you are lifesaving. Happy 70th Birthday superstars!

Yours gratefully,

Naomi Pridding

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We must, must try everything to help the National Health Service and respect it for what it is: a life saving, irreplaceable free service providing an incomparable and incredible care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

I really don’t think I want to say any more for this – I don’t think it’s necessary. I’m just forever grateful for the care we’ve been provided with.

Loves to all,

OCM xoxo

by One Curious Mother

Our First Family Holiday!

CATCH UP POST NUMBER ONE – OUR HOLIDAY!

After scrolling through my previous posts and realising that a lot of them were very real and somewhat heavy topics, I decided it was time for a fun one: Our first family holiday! This post will be full of our first fabulous European adventure along with tips, tricks and hacks of how we survived and blooming’ loved our first family trip!

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Our Holiday Home

Four months ago, we took our first holiday as a family. Both nervous and excited, we decided to drive into Europe and up to Holland. Although my hate of ferries is very real, we got an early crossing from Dover to Calais and we used a wonderful company called ‘Eurocamp‘ for our accommodation. ‘Eurocamp’ are a wonderful company that rent out camping grounds, safari tents and a series of mobile-home style caravans across Europe.  Having used them in the past for holidays in France we decided to venture a little further-a-field and chose Duinrell, Wassenaar in Holland this time. (Eurocamp code ‘HL012‘) Whilst I had never been, K had once visited as a child and was eager to rediscover the country. We chose a campsite with plenty to do for all ages, made sure it had a pool and was near to plenty of sights to see whilst all being baby friendly. With Rotterdam 30 minutes away and Amsterdam just 60 minutes away, day trips were a comfortable car journey away.

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Snoozing Away

Whilst the journey from Calais to Duinrell wasn’t more than 4 hours, we decided that en route to we would make a pit stop in Antwerp, a place we’ve never been but always wanted to. WOW. We absolutely loved it. Adding a little luxury to our holiday, my parents brought us a night’s stay at the ‘Hilton, Old Town’ for K’s birthday. It was blooming beautiful and breakfast was just… make your own waffles is all I’m going to say! There was so much to see with the Grote Markt, long walkways down the riverside and restaurants & bars everywhere, we more than enjoyed eating a ridiculous amount of ‘Frites et Fritessaus‘ and Nutella smothered waffles. Following on from our hotel adventure, we had a short 2 hour drive on to Duinrell.

Antwerpen

The campsite was fantastic. With absolutely everything you would ever need onsite and about 10-minute walk offsite, it was perfect for families of all ages and sizes. On the campsite part of the site, they had a small supermarket shop in the same building as two restaurants, a pub and a bowling alley. Just by the entrance there was a huge pen full of bikes for hire. With a mixture of mountain bikes, kids bikes, trikes with baskets, baby seats, kids trailers and even go karts (for onsite use only) there was no excuse not to enjoy the many cycle paths in the countryside surrounding the site. In the amusement park part of the site there was much more to be enjoyed by older children and adults with several fast-paced rollercoasters along with mini-golf, token arcade and the ‘Tiki-Bad’ – an indoor and outdoor pool facility with many slides, a shallow baby play area, lazy river and wave machine. We delved into the pool twice in a week and only wished we’d had time to go again even though there was an extra cost of €5 per adult and free for under 2 year olds for 2 hours and €7 for 3 hours – Pretty cheap entertainment for a rainy afternoon!

Dinner Time!

Our caravan was just what we wanted. This particular time we opted for the ‘Esprit’: a slightly more upmarket version of the caravans available. Better than the budget ‘Classic’ but not quite as posh as the ‘Avant’. It was just right for us. It was the perfect size for the three of us, with two bedrooms, a toilet with separate shower room and a huge kitchen living area, there was plenty of space for us and all the baby kit too. One of our favourite things about Eurocamp (and one of the main reasons we will go back again and again) is that you can hire baby & toddler kit FOR FREE – yes you read that right! At absolutely no extra cost you can hire any of the following kit for your stay (proving they have it available course!): travel cot, bed rails, highchair, potty, baby bath and changing mat. This was a huge weight lifted off our shoulders as we only started introducing foods to little man the week before left! To add to these wonderful things, the beds were comfortable, the kitchen well stocked complete with 4 gas hobs and oven – we wanted for nothing.

Duinrell, Wassenaar

In terms of location it was close enough to larger towns and cities for day trips but far enough away to enjoy the countryside. We were just a 10-minute drive from ‘Hundestrand Wassenaar’ (the local beach), half hour drive from Rotterdam and an hour away from Amsterdam. We took advantage of these! The beach was beautiful and had SO MANY SHELLS. It was incredibly long so we only walked a section of it with the dunes lined with bars and restaurants which I imagine are bustling during the summer. Unfortunately, most were closed due to it being off-season but it was September and rather chilly so we were more than happy to get back in the warm after a long windswept walk.

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Hundestrand Wassenaar

Our first day trip was to visit Rotterdam Zoo – what can I say! One of the best zoos I’ve ever been to. Impulse decisions can sometimes backfire but this one did not disappoint. An old fashioned inner-city zoo that’s evolved with the times, the zoo has hundreds of animals in spacious enclosures clearly designed to mimic that of their natural habitats. It was a perfect mixture of zoo and aquarium with just so much to see. We easily spent 5 hours there and could have easily spent much more time there too. ‘Any advice?’ Take your own lunch. We ate before we left and took snacks but main eateries seemed to be far apart and again, due to it being off-season a lot of the smaller food stands were shut up. I can imagine during peak-season this would be much less an issue of course. It might also save you a few pennies for the gift shop too! There were plenty of benches to rest and picnic spots too – the whole zoo is quite large and with a six-month-old in a pram, these were perfectly placed. A 10 out of 10 from us and given the chance to go again, we would say yes, every time!

Rotterdam Zoo

Amsterdam. Another city we’ve wanted to visit but never got around to it. We were a little nervous about going with little man but to be honest, we had absolutely nothing to worry about. We paid ahead for underground parking right in the centre, we took his pram and a bag with everything he’d need – including his rain cover we absolutely needed – and we picked up a map when we got there and just started walking. We didn’t want to plan too much as doing anything with a baby can sometimes be unpredictable so we pin pointed a few of the main things we wanted to see and aimed for those. We decided to give the Anne Frank house a miss – with queues for days and no place to store a pram, this time just wasn’t right to visit this museum but definitely one for a future visit. We took an obligatory selfie by the ‘iamsterdam’ sign, walked over a million canal bridges, ate more waffles and found some cute vintage shops. It was such a lovely day and a good first city trip that I’m sure will go on to inspire many more.

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Coffee Shop Stop, Amsterdam

We really didn’t want our first holiday to come to an end. Packing up was done begrudgingly and the drive back to Calais was quiet as we thought back on all the adventure we’d had that week BUT we were not ready to go home so we made a stop off at Bruges en route home. Another city we’ve always wanted to go to but never found the time. We didn’t stop for long but managed to squeeze in a walk around the town, seeing Belfry Tower, a tour around the chocolate museum ‘Choco-Story’ and time for coffee and ice cream! It was the perfect end to a perfect week.

Bruges

A lot of people don’t see the point in taking a baby on holiday. I must say that now we’ve done it, I couldn’t disagree more! We know that our little man really won’t remember our first holiday, staying in a caravan, seeing Antwerp, Amsterdam, Rotterdam zoo or Bruges but for us it was a fantastic way to make first family memories for us parents. It isn’t all about your little one – you’re a family, a team and it’s now about you all – yay! We took thousands of photographs and we can’t wait to share them with our little man in the many years to come. What I will say though is that it was worth waiting until he was 6 months old. He was so much more aware of his surrounding, was awake for more of the day and was so happy to sleep just about anywhere and everywhere. Bottom line? Just book that holiday and enjoy every minute!

Not quite mastered a selfie yet!

It’s definitely one of our favourite memories and I can’t wait to see what adventures we have in store for next year!

Love to all,
One Curious Mother x

by One Curious Mother

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year Everybody! 

Hope you’ve all had a wonderful 2017 and are looking forward to 2018 full of love, family, friends and adventure!

IMG_6535.JPGFirst footing done and little monkey awake just in time for the Big Ben bongs!

I realise I’ve been quite quiet recently (and a little lazy I’m honest) but between getting carried away with Christmas and little man crawling at the speed of light, I have not had a lot of time for writing. In addition to this, I’ve been working on a new project which I won’t share with you yet but will hopefully be able to soon – it’s nothing huge but certainly feels it for me!

I’m going to keep this very post very short sweet! To kick start 2018, I’ll be playing catch up – starting with this week, I will be publishing all my almost-finished posts of 2017 as I appear to have a backlog of quite a few that are almost finished. Keep your eyes peeled for these – first one will hopefully be posted this afternoon if not first thing tomorrow.

We’ve had a blooming marvellous 2017, full of love and adventure and cannot wait to see what 2018 has in-store for us!

Love to all,
One Curious Mother x

by One Curious Mother

Mr & Mrs: Does it really matter?

 

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‘So when are you guys going to get married?

‘Yes, I’ve decided to talk about that wonderfully awkward question. Why is it that if you’re heading towards 25 and have surpassed the 5-year anniversary mark, marriage becomes an instant hot topic? Well let me tell you, if you have a baby and out of wedlock, the conversations only become much more frequent. Now don’t get me wrong, getting married is something I want (something we both want) but it forever gets more and more awkward as old fashion tradition still appears to dictate a lot of finer details around marriage.

Pre-baby days – Who doesn’t have a go-to photo spot!? (aka the front door)

As a woman who believes in marriage and pretty much everything it stands for, it forever leaves me in an awkward position when people ask. There is usually an echo response from the right hand side to others that’s along the lines of ‘oh no, not yet‘ or a spiel about lack of money, want for other things, not the right time, etc. – all of which might be very well be true but still leads to some kind of awkward smile between you and your partner and no doubt a slightly sympathetic comment from the questioner that sounds something like ‘well all in good time‘. What is a woman who wants to get married supposed to do? Do you just wait to be asked? Is this too old fashioned? Is it too ‘cringe’ or ‘desperate’ to ask your boyfriend? In this modern day and age with equality, should you make a decision together? Why are there so many taboos around women wanting to be married – I have so many questions! The tradition of marriage is one that can sit quite uneasy with many modern day women. From becoming your husbands ‘property’, folding your identity with the change of a surname to giving up your rights to be a wife, these were once traditions that are now unapologetically out-dated. With the rise in Feminism and standing up for women rights worldwide, a light has continued to shine on changing practices and traditions that once saw women as nothing more than objects. How have things changed is the western world? Am I going to have to wait until my Dad gives my boyfriend his permission?

The media has always done a cracking job of keeping taboo subjects in circulation year in year out and to no surprise I had no trouble finding content on the subject of marriage online. Just over a month ago, I came across and article on Cosmopolitan online with the headline ‘Don’t Ask Your Girlfriend’s Dad if You Can Marry Her’ – What an eye catching title! After reading I found despite it being an article for American Cosmo, the content was still relevant. The article talks about how asking your girlfriends father to marry her has become an out-of-date, sexist practice which let’s be honest, is rather true. The tradition stands that the groom-to-be would ask the future brides father out of respect but Cosmo questions whether there was any respect spared for the bride-to-be at all. This dates right back to when getting married was seen as a ‘change in ownership’ of the woman she was to become her husbands property. Fair to say this is no longer the case for the majority but worryingly will still be a normal practice in some cases.

Cosmo found that in 2015 in a survey carried out my TheKnot.com ‘more than three quarters of men ask for permission from their partner’s father or parents before they propose. By contrast, only 58% of brides say they knew a proposal was coming, but just weren’t sure when – for 40%, it was a complete surprise. In other words, more men talk to their girlfriend’s father about a plan to marry than talk about marriage, in serious and relatively immediate terms, to the woman they actually want to marry.’ Now isn’t this ridiculous?! Going back to my point about feeling somewhat ashamed of wanting to get married and not wanting to wait around to be asked – ARE WE SURPRISED!? For decades women haven’t had a say in this decision-making process and with the rise in Feminism, this was bound to change. Despite the negative connotations around asking a girlfriends dad to marry her, the article goes on to say that in modern times it should be all about total inclusion. Marriage should be an on going discussion between a couple even if ‘will you marry me’ is asked instead of mutual agreements and that ‘it’s possible to involve all of your parents in a conversation about your impending marriage in a respectful way‘ which I totally agree with. For me marriage isn’t just another step to take or another event to plan, it’s about declaring your love as well as becoming that team, a united front and being a family taking on the world together so would be more millennial to include both your families.

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The Fitz/Priddings

What makes me want to get married? I think it’s a combination of love, trust and sometimes-questionable tolerance for one another and that humble connection that brings happiness and keeps you grounded. It’s the joy you bring one another and the commitment that defines your relationship. Adding a baby into the mix is a serious decision but it’s one that has nonetheless made our relationship stronger. With these thoughts and reasons in mind, marriage always enters the discussion here; as for me I am bothered on astronomical levels that our son and I don’t share a last name. For me, it goes back to what I previously said about being one unit. Now, I’m not saying that you can’t be ‘one’ and that it should be compulsory to take your partners surname (they could take yours or neither) but for me it makes me feel very separate from my boys. In 2014, in an article by The Guardian, it was found that between 2009 and 2014 an estimated 600,000 women had been stopped whilst travelling with their own children with a fair few being noted as being a result of having differing surnames. This mortifies me and the idea of being stopped to prove I am my son’s mother sounds nothing short of arduous.

My boys

Aside from my personal feelings, the bigger thing for those around us is the legal side of having a child and being unmarried. Turns out that if you have a baby out of wedlock, the only one who truly has responsibility for that child is the mother. Now automatic parental responsibility also goes to the husband or female married partner of the child’s birth mother if they are treated as the child’s legal parent or if you are an adoptive parent… But what actually is ‘parental responsibility’? The Citizens Advice Bureau explains that parents/guardians with parental responsibility are entitled to have a say in all areas of the child’s life such as the where they will live, their health, education, religion, name, money and property. Parental responsibility then lasts until the child reaches 18 or gets married between 16 and 18. Who can get parental responsibility? If you don’t have parental responsibility, you might be able to get it. You can get parental responsibility for your child by in the following ways: ‘registering (or re-registering) the birth of your child together with the child’s mother, making a parental responsibility agreement with the mother and registering it at court, obtaining a parental responsibility order, becoming the child’s guardian (which would only take effect on the mother’s death) or marrying the mother.’ The biggest worry for me is if anything should happen to either of us (*touch wood*), what happens to our little man? What are we legally entitled to? After digging a little further I came across these explanations: ‘Living together – If one partner dies without leaving a will, the surviving partner will not automatically inherit anything unless the couple owned property jointly. As an unmarried couple, you need to make wills if you wish to make sure that the other partner inherits. If one partner dies without leaving enough in their will for the other to live on, the surviving partner may be able to go to court to claim from the estate. If you inherit money or property from an unmarried partner, you are not exempt from paying inheritance tax, as married couples are. Marriage – When your married partner dies, you will inherit under the will of the dead partner if it makes provision for you. If either married partner dies without making a will, the other will inherit all or some of the estate.’ What have I learnt? We basically get nothing unless we get married or have a will… we don’t have the latter (*googles ‘writing a will’*). Even if you don’t have a child, marriage binds you both legally in many different ways and whether we like it or not, trying to break tradition isn’t always easy and the subject of marriage is no different. Getting married still holds a lot more significance than just love.

One year makes a huge difference

I never really thought that the order of either getting married or having babies would make much of a difference to my life. Always knowing I wanted both, I set aside the traditional marriage then babies ideal when I got pregnant just over a year ago now, I’m not sure I would have chosen to have a baby before marriage now knowing how it would make me feel and what it would legally mean. With all of the things I have discussed about my personal opinion, tradition and the coverage in the media, I have definitely come to the conclusion I now feel being unmarried with a child does make a difference. Maybe it will change in the future but I’m sure it’ll be ‘all in good time’!

 

Love to all,
One Curious Mother x

PS. If you have children and you’re not married or if you are and you have had any positive or negative experiences with deciding to get married, sharing surnames or anything else – I would love to hear from you!

 

Sources:
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/living-together-marriage-and-civil-partnership/living-together-and-marriage-legal-differences/#h-children
https://theparentconnection.org.uk/articles/parental-responsibility-for-unmarried-couples
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/a12107658/ask-bride-father-permission-proposal-engagement/
https://www.brides.com/story/asking-fathers-permission-before-proposing
https://www.theknot.com
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/womens-blog/2014/may/12/passport-control-border-children-parents-different-surnames