Tag / Work Life Balance

by One Curious Mother

365 days: Life & Parenting in a Pandemic.

The clock strikes midnight on 2019 and 2020 comes bouncing through the door, full of promise and potential. It’s a new decade, the 20’s have arrived and we have so much hope. BUT HOLD YOUR BLOOMING HORSES LOVE, 2020 has other ideas – it goes on to be a year we’ll never forget.

For our family, late 2019 brought us a wonderful new baby so 2020 was supposed to be full of firsts and a life adjustment to becoming a family of four, whilst sharing our beautiful boys with our family & friends. It is the year we would celebrated 10 years as a couple, 2 years as fiancés and we would be all set to get married in the October (spoiler alert: we still did!). The year of friends’ weddings, honeymoons and holidays, new opportunities and adventure. Obviously, this did not happen. 2020 threw a tonne of shit at us and change was the only path that lay ahead of us. 

Change is a struggle for many, and in these extreme circumstances, it has become a struggle for most. It appears the human race loves a good habit and each of us has our own set of habits – it’s what makes each of us who we are. Now, I’m sure some people love change, but I am just not one of them. I really hate change. I felt things getting overwhelming very quickly. You may have guessed it but I’m a die-hard creature of habit: I eat three meals a day and snack twice, I never miss dessert and always start the day with a coffee (decaf at a push!). I love to walk and could spend hours window shopping, pacing aisles of supermarkets and homeware stores, mindlessly imagining what interiors I could change or what craft I could (attempt to) take up next. I love knowing where I am or where I’m heading and uncertainty certainly sets off a string of anxieties. 

Many a walk…

Lockdown for us started at a funny time. We had this beautiful little newborn and a bouncy boy who’d just turned 3. Things were so good. I love the newborn stage with its scheduled day time naps, feeding round the clock and a fair few sleepless nights – tiring but nevertheless, a routine. Sadly, it wasn’t to last. As self-isolation & lockdown began, this flipped, was scrapped and has quite frankly vanished. Despite this, I had to remember our family was one of the lucky ones. Most importantly, no loved ones were lost. No jobs were lost, just routines disrupted and freedoms reduced. The toll of having your spouse at work at the office all day whilst you handled the children sounded like a small slice of normality for us and yet, not quite. I guess it really hit home when I read the backlash from a comment made by Justin Timberlake about parenting for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week being ‘unnatural’. My first thoughts were ‘oh shit, did he just say that out loud!?’ but as I started to mull it over, man alive he is not wrong. Even if we are stay-at-home parents, there are playgroups and coffee mornings or school where our kids (and we) get interaction with other human beings that may be an extension of our support network or all of our network. It’s vital communication with others that makes everyday life, well, a life. 

Our eldest, Rory had just turned 3 (he’ll be 4 on Friday!) and he was just coming into his own. He’s passionate and emotional, he’s euphoric one moment and downright inconsolable the next. He feels everything. He would tell you he loves you every day whilst poking you in the eye and stamping crisps into your carpet, all whilst having absolutely no problem doing it. His favourite phrases were ‘do you need me’ and ‘that’s not a good deal’ – both adorable and heart-breaking in many ways with his big brown eyes and wicked smile to match. 

We knew isolation would be challenging but unfortunately, it was evident quite early on that Rory requires a lot more from most days than I alone could give him. Now, usually Rory would attend nursery a few times week and head to my mother-in-law’s for a few days too. This would usually leave me one whole day of double parenting, which on some occasions had been more than plenty. Rory loves his friends, his nursery nurses and of course his Granny and it was a given that not seeing these core people in his life was going to be tricky for him. He’s incredibly bright and understands concepts way beyond that of a pre-schooler but trying to explain invisible coughs and colds keeping us inside was heart breaking.  

More family memories!

He’s always on the go and as a second-time-section-mama, I was not as fit as I once was. As Little Henry relied on me for enormous proportions of the day, times where I was breastfeeding proved to be challenging – turns out I physically can’t be chasing a toddler round the garden whilst I’m attached to a baby, a skill I never thought I’d be disappointed not to have. On the plus side, I certainly had a lot less time to worry about my weight or what I’m stuffing in my gob every five minutes, despite a lot of the media ramming ‘lockdown body goals’ down our throats – a topic for another day!

We often find ourselves capable of far more than we give ourselves credit for but mental and physical exhaustion can completely destroy this and sometimes it can be impossible to see the next step forwards. For me, there has been just two ways to handle this lockdown isolation: embrace it or switch on survival mode. Some days I used one of these, but most I needed both and there has definitely been days where it’s been battle after battle with little to no enjoyment to be found anywhere. Picture the kind of day where you’re stepping on Lego, being barfed on and spending 4 hours consoling an unknown tantrum whilst drowning in washing, dishes and sand from that ‘bloody sandpit’. The pandemic grew and our fears with it but we stayed strong and focused on what we could have now rather than what we once wanted. Our little Henry was robbed (if that’s the right word!) of his chance to make little friends, interact with others and learnt to socialise. This was the toughest to digest as we passed his first birthday and entered 2021 still unsure of when any of the ‘normal’ elements of life would return. All this began as the impossible task but as the days, weeks and eventually months rolled on, my ‘modes’ evolved. The sun started to shine and things appeared a lot less dark. 

We learnt our alphabet, we watched our entire Disney+ bucket list in a month, we bought a 10ft swimming pool, we walked hundreds of Bear Hunts and we bought all the Lego Duplo we could get our hands on. Rory eventually returned to nursery in July and he slotted back in like he’d never been away. We instantly looked back over those months and realised we’d learnt to enjoy the days for what they were: borrowed time. We then spent hours longing for some of our old life back and more hours praying the work/life balance we once had will never show its ugly face again. As a nation, we know now what life balance we were all missing.

Busing ourselves with Lego, Alphabet & Disney.

As 2020 took most things from us, we were adamant to regain control of one thing, our wedding. Planned for 28 months, we were crushed on multiple occasions as the finish line & goal posts were continuously moved and shrunk. Many tears were shed, many plans were changed but one thing remained: we were absolutely going to do all we could to be married on 10th October, in any capacity as long as it was allowed. We downsized our guests, changed our venue and amended most of our supplier packages to fit the new rules and with amazing family, a wing & a prayer, we pulled everything together for our long-awaited day.

Looking back, we loved every minute. We were just 14 which was quite a downsize from 120 but it didn’t matter. We wanted to be husband & wife and to have our nearest and dearest around meant the world to us. Yes, there were some that couldn’t be there but thanks to the wonders of modern technology, Zoom helped them tune in to see it all. We danced & sang, raised our glasses and for a brief white lace & tartan clad moment, forgot everything else – it was absolute bliss. 

Newlyweds!

As you can imagine, our honeymoon (well ‘familymoon’ at that stage) options were slim and international travel of any kind was off the cards so we packed up and left for somewhere near the sea and full of things to do: Brighton! A place we’d never been, now a place close to our hearts. It’s amazing how different you feel once you’ve seen the sea, had a classic bag of fish & chips and a walk for miles & miles putting the world to right. It’s a bag full of core memories I’ll treasure forever and a place we’ll definitely be visiting in 2021.

Before we knew it, Christmas was upon us and things began to look shaky. Vaccines filled the news briefings and panic was instilled once more. Were we going to be locked down for Christmas? Were we going to risk getting sick shopping for presents? Were we even going to be allowed to see our family? As I said – panic instilled. We had a normal-ish Christmas but the first one without my grandparents since I can remember. They stayed home shielded and safe but nonetheless I am sad that we’d be apart for what should be a time for celebration. We used FaceTime & Zoom and connected as much as we could, making virtual Christmas, the new Christmas. A past time I now pray won’t be necessary this year. 

2021 arrived with a bump as we were thrust into Lockdown 3.0 but for us by now, we’d formulated a way to cope with the normal we craved being ever so slightly out of reach. A daily walk still is our go-to. It’s breathing in the fresh air being we regularly take for granted, freedom of movement to run (or sledge) across a field and we now know we have to keep on top of this to survive this without crashing. Nights got shorter and as the snow phase passed over, we entered what is now beginning to look and feel a lot like Spring: The season of growth & hope. 

We’ve been under this Covid spell for 365 days and I can only pray as the governments path to re-opening begins to flower, we are able to regain control over our lives in the ways we’ve always wanted. There’s no doubt we’ve had regrets; we didn’t travel enough or go on the adventures we’d planned, didn’t see people we’d wished we’d seen, missed out on events… the list goes on as our lives have been on hold. It’s a process of grief, but just like all grief, there comes a time to move on and move forwards. This becomes a fresh start which you can use for banishing toxic work habits or wasting time doing activities you don’t want to, planning getaways or making bucket lists – there’s no reason to hold back. As a family, we made a jar of wishes a year ago and can’t wait to open it when life picks back up (y’all know there’s a Disney holiday or two in there!). Why not make a list and see where it takes you?

There has been so much to learn from the last 365 days, it’s a time that will never be forgotten and sure to be a story we tell for generations. We’ve faced things we never imagined and witnessed things we never thought we’d see. Things are still feeling rough but whilst looking back, however you have handled isolation/lockdown and/or parenting during these times, please try your best to remember this is not your new normal, these were and still are not normal times. Your reaction to it all and your lifestyle now doesn’t reflect the life you will lead be going forwards. This is temporary and it was more than ok to go into survival mode – it might have been the only way to get by. You’ve done all you can and you should be proud of yourself.

Just hold on tight. We’re nearly there… 

One Curious Mother .xo

by One Curious Mother

“Please Provide Your Paycheck”

 

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I’ve dug this one out of the archive today – just a little something I wrote back in February. Turns out I write a lot that doesn’t make the cut; it usually becomes irrelevant pretty quickly and it very swiftly gets forgotten about. However, this blog may help someone somewhere feel a little less crappy for chronically worrying about money, jobs, more babies and a little bit of anything else…

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‘All you want is 2.4 kids and a white picket fence like a Disney movie and unfortunately, it’s just not real life‘ – as dear husband-to-be uttered those words for the millionth time, a part of me closed the door, slumped to the floor and wept. It wasn’t what he’s said but the realisation that we were having to choose between expanding our family and surviving each month… OH, AND THAT NOBODY TOLD ME THIS WOULD HAPPEN!

With procreation being a part of most lives (we sure as hell wouldn’t be here without it) it started to seem like a long time ago that women were expected to ‘retire’ once they’ve had a baby but sadly, looks like attitudes still aren’t up to speed and many ‘powers-that-be’ are not helping the cause. Many women have to stay at home rather than return to work due to crippling nursery fees and the question that always needs to be asked is: why are we (the royal ‘we’) not doing enough to help working mothers and families? Is it down to the individual mother, the family, the employer or the whole god-damn system? We over here strongly believe the latter.

Since I was young, I’ve always wanted two children; whenever anyone asks I always say ‘I have two eyes, two hands and two backseats’ – let’s face it, anything more and you’re looking at growing more limbs or changing your car as a minimum! Now nowhere, ever did anyone tell me we’d be sat around with a calculator, counting each and every penny concluding that any more expenditure would leave us nothing short of bankrupt. For us fourteen hundred squiddies a month for full-time nursery has been the true cost of a safe and loving environment; this has (just about) allowed us to bring home the bacon, but the saddest fact is, even now in 2019, choosing between a career and a family has never been so tough.

There has been a debate for some time about the environmental strain of having more mouths to feed, bathe and house but debating about the financial strain seems to be rifer than ever. In an article by The Guardian in 2014, three families from Sweden, the UK, and USA talked about their childcare costs and the cold hard truth of each. It quotes that in Sweden ‘you pay 3% of your gross salary but there’s a cap so you never have to pay more than 1,260 Swedish krona [currently £103] a month per child – and if you have more children, you’ll pay a maximum of 420 krona [£33] for the third child and nothing for the fourth'(1). This is 27% of the UK national average in 2018 where the average cost of a part-time nursery place for a child under two has soared by 7% in the past year to £122 a week, or more than £6,300 a year, according to the report by the Family and Childcare Trust (2). Although that percentage is disgustingly high, the UK is still more fortunate than the USA when it comes to maternity & paternity leave, where mothers are not entitled to paid maternity leave at all and might only get up to 12 weeks unpaid if they’re lucky. Of course, we are more than fortunate in most respects – we have maternity leave and I would receive statutory maternity leave as a minimum but the truth of the matter is, statutory still wouldn’t even cover our current outgoings… We have cars on lease, nursery bills, rent, utilities, etc. and like most, we love a yearly family holiday – nothing overtly fancy or excessive.

So, what happens for the Fitzpriddings’ now? Short term it means a painstakingly uncertain wait, where caution is our new activity and ‘we’re trying to save’ is our new catchphrase. We never feel hard done by, our beautiful boy has shown us love like we’ve never known but the subject of more children opens the door to a whole world of what-ifs and buts you never even realised existed. In short, there is no answer to these questions that allows us to remain in pocket and have a larger family within a reasonable amount of time. I keep telling myself that there is plenty of time for this to come around but I know, 2 years into sharing our lives with this little dinosaur firecracker, it will whizz by. (WOAH, little did we know just 2 months later we’d discover we were expecting!)

Now, MAMAS ASSEMBLE for our closing thoughts – if you are ever in any doubt about your rights as a woman, a mother or as an employee, have no fear, there are women out there fighting for all. Flexible working for is a battle that is being fought every day by one of my favourite wonder-women,  @motherpukkaAnna Whitehouse and pregnancy rights is being fought by another, @pregnantthenscrewedJoeli Brearley. Campaigning and raising awareness for women rights and the law on maternity policies alongside the benefits of flexible working for all, these super mamas are paving the way for modern-day working families. (This is no ad or partnership, just what I would consider sharing invaluable advice between friends!)

As always, I hope this blog helped you feel a little less alone, whatever step in life your taking, whether it’s your second child or your fifth – after all, if you’re anything like me, family is always the most important thing.

Love and all, OCM xo.

 

Sources:
(1) https://www.theguardian.com/money/2014/may/31/costs-childcare-britain-sweden-compare https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/childcare-costs-increase-inflation-rate-treading-water-parents-household-incomes-a8230431.html 
(2) https://www.familyandchildcaretrust.org/childcare-survey-2018
by One Curious Mother

We’re Still Here…

Well hello there!

I’ve been MIA for a while now and feel for the very few of you who read this, I should give you a little update on where we are at.

My health has been a little shady of late; Feeling over worked with a constantly crowded brain, I have recently found myself exhausted and letting rather a lot slide in all aspects of life. Turns out trying to run numerous social pages, a blog, raise a child, have a healthy, loving relationship, look for a house, handle the nagging desire for another baby, plan a wedding and have a ‘normal’ life is too much for one person to do at once – who knew, right!?

I’ve been unbelievably overwhelmed since joining my new job last June. As my first career-changing role since graduating a few years back and becoming a mother, I ploughed head first into what would become an all-consuming job. As workloads grew, I stopped doing the things I loved at home. Never, ever wanting this blog to slip, One Curious Mother has taken a very reluctant and unwanted back seat lately. With evenings spent barely awake and creative juices in serious short supply, I was brought back to examining why it was that I created One Curious Mother in the first place: to share the hidden wonders (and ailments) of first time parenthood, to document my journey through it and to, hopefully, help others too. I can honestly say, I feel I am meeting absolutely none of these objectives anymore. 

Needless to say, it was a welcomed moment when I realised that I didn’t need to wait for the ‘perfect moment’ and didn’t need to create just ‘pretty’ or, let’s face it, fake content. Thanks to this, I am now able to realign my focus to be on honest stories, asking & answering those curious questions we all have and helping build a community of ladies (or gentlemen) and babies who are looking for someone to say ‘hey, that happened to me’ or ‘WOAH I’m not alone in this anymore’. 

So what now? A solid promise for more communication and definitely more questions, to get back on track and look forwards, vowing to keep one foot firmly on the ground whilst doing so.

I hope you’ll stick around and join us on this journey and if there’s one thing I want you to remember is that you never have to feel alone!

Love to all,

OCM 💜

by One Curious Mother

Greed or Guilt: Asking Too Much or Just Wishing For More?

Now, I’m not sure if this is a vent, a series of ‘but why’ or even a collection of deep thoughts but I’m attempting to make sense of what it means to have a second child, to look at the logical aspects as well as the emotional.

There are questions without answers and plenty of food for thought, but stick with me – maybe you can help?

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If I had a pound for every time I was asked ‘so when are you going to have another?’ or ‘time for another baby soon hey?‘ I would be a little less crippled by a mortgage size nursery bill, have a little more money for a gym membership and maybe enough money to fund my morning coffee obsession, just for starters.

As I push all bad jokes aside, I started to question ‘how do I actually feel about this?’ I honestly started to feel put on the spot and a little exposed too; but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that wanting another baby was something I hadn’t put much thought into. It started making me feel an overwhelming concoction of emotions; this mixture of guilt, greed and emptiness began to sew itself with curiosity, excitement, and many wonders of what could be. It’s no secret that I’m not sure I am mentally ready to have another baby or to put my body under so much pressure again. Rory’s birth and my c-section recovery were traumatic and tough but part of me is slowly becoming obsessed with the fact Rory is now 18 months old – I know I want more children but how long of an age gap is too long?

Motherhood: Feeling Guilty, Going Back to Work, Having a Family

Growing up, I always used to say I wanted three children: a boy, then a girl, then whatever God would grace us with. To be honest, I don’t think the big G was so keen on 17- year- old me’s plans if Rory’s arrival into the world is anything to go by – this definitely gives me a small heartache when thinking about wanting Rory to have siblings. Growing up with a sister just 19months younger than me meant we were quite inseparable as kids; we dressed the same, we acted the same and always had one another. Yes, our teenage years were super rocky for sure but thick or thin, we pulled through because having a sibling is a bond for life with always a lesson to learn; whether it’s how to share or learn to care, how to steal clothes and go unnoticed or even how to sneak a passport for an underage boogie whilst getting caught and forking out £200 for a new one a week before holidays… We really have been through the lot and I wouldn’t change any of it for the entire world. It’s something I want Rory to have for sure.

Motherhood: Feeling Guilty, Going Back to Work, Having a Family
Motherhood: Feeling Guilty, Going Back to Work, Having a Family

With all of the above swimming in my mind, the idea of more children, and money worries, I made the decision to go back to work full time. After 12 months maternity leave and 3 months back part time, I knew if I didn’t make the move at that point then not only would I really struggle to adjust to full-time work, but I would really have to fight further down the line to get a job doing something I actually wanted to do. I also knew the longer I left it to make a final decision about a new job and my career, the further away potential family expansion would become. It just so happens that I was incredibly fortunate in landing a job I used to dream of but we had bigger worries on the horizon.

I took a big leap of doubtable faith when I took my current job and was left wondering if we could really afford for me to go back to work. As I mentioned earlier, crippling nursery bills is our little black rain cloud. At an amount that matches 85% of my wages a month nursery bills, could you just imagine the cost for two!? Bankruptcy and a resounding ‘no thank you’ to parting ways with so much cash is left ringing in my ears.  How are mothers of children under 2, 3 or 4 supposed to have a career, contribute to better their family, not seen to be having ‘time away from work’ and have that something for themselves when the whole system is against them and nothing short of fatally flawed. Team this with £40k in debt from university (I always call it fake debt I know but they’ll come knocking for it one day) and maternity leave which left me borderline bankrupt there is no wonder I have such little savings. FYI, statutory maternity pay is beyond a joke and at a grand total of £141 per week, which was a 57% pay cut for me, only covered 9 of the 12 months leave which really scrapes the icing off the cake, onto the floor, and into a deep dirty puddle. Like dropping the perfect 99-er into the sand on a sunny summer day – a total freaking liberty.

Aside from my money worries and what feels like pounds (lbs!) of career-guilt, I’ve now got a new anxious pot of thoughts sat waiting to be dished out; I’ll start with question one: WHY, oh why do I now feel greedy for wanting another baby? Why does it seem that even wanting to talk about it seems quite taboo and something a little shameful – why do I feel like I’m asking for more than I’m ‘allowed’? The worst is feeling like I’ve put so much effort and time (and money) into going back to work and fighting to make it work, how on earth am I supposed to put it all on pause to have another baby? There are a million external factors outweighing the positives of having another member of the family, it always seems to come down to ‘we can’t afford another baby’ but can anyone ever really afford a baby? I feel like I’ve jumped down a black hole of unknown thoughts, feelings, and landed in a pile questions with not a lot of direction. ‘Mom-guilt’ is something I think needs to be talked about more often and more openly; we should never be made to feel this way and supporting each other could be the ticket outta here – with this in mind, please send advice, help or if you have any experiences you’ want to share, I would LOVE to hear.

Motherhood: Feeling Guilty, Going Back to Work, Having a Family

I’m not sure feeling guilty or greedy is something that will last forever and I’m sure somewhere out there, there must be an answer for all this weird family and money maths; I just can’t think there isn’t something out there that would work for us and that could help us grow and not make us lose every penny in the process. Right now, it’s just looking like an unmarked path in the fog: no road signs, no help and no sense of direction.

To all those struggling to juggle it all but muddling through – I have a profound respect for you. For those never knowing which way to turn – I’m right here with ya!

Motherhood: Feeling Guilty, Going Back to Work, Having a Family

Love as always,
One Curious Mother .xo

 

by One Curious Mother

Workin’ 9 to 5, What a Way to Make a Livin’…

CATCH UP POST NUMBER TWO – GOING BACK TO WORK

…Barely gettin’ by, it’s all takin’ and no givin’

Dolly P - Working 9 to 5

WHOA Dolly! 9 to 5 is no longer enough to make that livin’ that’s for sure! However, the rest of the song speaks some uncomfortable truths. Singing about the man standing in her way, not getting any credit and putting all the money in his pocket: This is shockingly still the case for many and it appears to be taking a hell of a lot more than that well-known 9 to 5 to make a living nowadays. With overtime or flexi-time there are many of us who don’t work those well-known hours anymore. Even though some work alternative hours flexing around family or social life, there are some who don’t have a choice but to work every hour possible just to get on the same level as others. Luckily for me, I work for a company that has done absolutely everything they can to make my maternity leave and return to work an easy and comforting transition and have been more than understanding regarding my newly found life balance. I’ve been very fortunate and it makes it very hard to believe that currently some women are still fighting for equal rights in the work place. Between the stories of inequality in the media over the past, give or take, 12 months and stories of women who’ve lost their jobs for being pregnant and wanting fair maternity leave, we as a country need to get a grip on how we are treating our ladies: equal pay and equal rights are just the beginning.

It’s no secret that having time off with your beloved new baby is an absolute must not only for physical recovery but mentally too. It’s important on so many levels: for bonding, for the baby’s development and for mama’s recovery; after all, having a baby is a major life event. However even with UK maternity leave being fairly generous across the board, with varying amounts of leave offered depending on company policies, in all the world countries ranked it doesn’t even reach the top 10 – quite shocking right!? I used to spend my days wondering ‘HOW THE HELL DO YOU GO BACK TO WORK, MAKE MONEY, PAY FOR CHILD CARE, SPEND TIME WITH YOUR CHILD AND HAVE A LIFE ALL AT THE SAME TIME!? ‘Working Mama’ can seem like a daunting title and for some it can cost them with losing money or even their jobs.

Statutory Maternity Leave was created to cover the working mother who isn’t covered by their own company’s policy. It’s made up of two lots of 26 weeks, Ordinary Maternity Leave and Additional Maternity Leave. You don’t have to take all of this; the minimum is 2 weeks (4 for factory workers). This can start approximately 11 weeks before your due date and automatically starts if you’re ill within 4 weeks of your due date or starts the day after your baby is born if they are born premature. If you change your return to work date mid-leave you just need to give 8 weeks’ notice. It pretty much covers all bases and is what I was entitled to. The pay part of this is pretty sucky but is a lot better than nothing. So Statutory Maternity Pay entitles you to 39 weeks of pay out of the 52; this is broken down into two parts. The first 6 weeks which will be 90% of your normal pay then the other 33 weeks at 90% of your earnings or 140.98 per week depending on which is the lowest. This was a very difficult adjustment for me. With bills that had to be paid and needing to buy necessities it was just about manageable. It’s even harder for the last 13 weeks should you chose to take them as this is when the money stops. Obviously if you’re planning on getting pregnant and know statutory pay is what you’re entitled to SAVE – it’s an absolute life saver to have savings! I wasn’t so organised but managed to save throughout my pregnancy so went into maternity leave with at least a little cushion. I decided to return to work 4 weeks early as I found my money was slowly disappearing and didn’t think I could make it stretch much further. This meant that I would return before little man’s first birthday but that was always the case. I now have a definite start date and a million and one things to do before said day. From organising little man’s stuff to finding work clothes – it’s become nothing short of a minefield of moments that usually start with ‘shit I need to do that’. I’m going to break those down as it’s far easier subcategories as to tackle them one by one:

  1. Money: ‘Makes the world go around’ – As I said, really consider your money. Think about your outgoings and whether your wage is going to benefit or hinder you. Make sure you look at your wage when returning part time too! For the first month-ish back at work I will have absolutely no money. As I’ve been on statutory maternity leave & pay, my pay finished mid-December (bummer!) and despite saving a lot of money up in preparation but for this there is very little left (damn you January sales!). Do think your maternity leave through better than I did – you’ll probably have not got pregnant a week into your new job either so you probably will get company maternity pay so you’ll be alright! If you are like me and very money conscious (most of the time) then make a spreadsheet and document your spending so you can see where your money is going and where you can cut back. This might just save you a few pennies and maybe some arguments too!
  2. Nursery/Day Care: ‘DAMN that’s more than I earn!’- Yes, nurseries are expensive but do not pick one based on this alone. You will need to be able to trust them 110%! Do your research, go and look at a few, get a prospectus, speak to other mamas at clubs or the local children’s centre – make sure when you walk through the door it feels and looks like a place you want to leave your baby. We’ve just chosen a wonderful nursery just a few miles away which is half way between both our places of work. They open early and close late and have the most incredible facilities. As soon as we stepped through the door, we knew this was a fantastic place for our son to be. The price is high but one we can cover so he has the best care available.
  3. Weaning/Pumping/Feeding: This one is my biggest worry – pumping at work scares me half to death on its own but as little man still likes his milk and is not into letting it go just yet, it’s my only option. He’s down to a feed once in the morning and once in the afternoon so being brave, I’m thinking I could sneak that into a coffee break easy. I know that eventually our breastfeeding journey will come to an end it feeds will be dropped as he is weened further and turns one and can have cow’s milk so it’s only temporary. We’ve had a great journey even though it started off so rocky. On the food front, we are quite fortunate. He eats well and isn’t particularly fussy about what it is but more of when it is or how he’d fed. He likes to think he can feed himself but so often ends up feeding the dogs! We are rather lucky in that respect so have little worries here – yay!
  4. YOUR EMOTIONS: It’s more than ok to feel emotional about going back to work and leaving your baby with someone else. Whether this comes in guilt, sadness or relief, you’ve spent such a concentrated amount of time with your baby that to be apart now is bound to stir up some new emotions. This is the one that has stirred deep down in me for a while in anticipation of returning to work but I don’t think it will really become apparent until my first day back. Again, I am fortunate to be returning to work on a part-time basis so at least I have a four-day weekend to look forward to. It’s all about bringing the positives back into focus and taking on those emotions. Never hide them because that’s unhealthy but accept that it is normal to feel this way and it will get easier as it becomes the new normal.

No one expects this time to come around so quickly. It only seems like five minutes since you left the hospital and now you’re heading back to work and your baby is almost turning 1 – How did that happen!? You know, someone once told me that ‘the days will feel long but the years will fly by’ and boy weren’t they right! Whatever decisions you make whether to go back to work or not just make sure it’s the right one for you and if you ever feel like you made the wrong choice you can always change it. With little under two weeks until my return to work, I’m both looking forward to it and nervous.

Wish me luck!

Love to all,
One Curious Mother x

 


Sources:
– Photo found at https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/dolly-parton-wrong-working-9-5-way-make-living-shane-kilboyle/
– https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2016/08/these-10-countries-have-the-best-parental-leave-policies-in-the-world
– https://www.gov.uk/maternity-pay-leave